I went in to the ER on Sunday. When I was in the ER, waiting for a bed to open, I let my brain talk me into it being a good idea to try and just dip out when nobody was looking, so they put 3 security guards on me and put me on a 72-hour hold.

On another note, I haven’t actually slept for more than an hour at a time since last Thursday, which is killing me.

They opened up a bed for me on Monday at about 2pm. and they did the admission process which includes weighing you. Evidently, in the last 2-3 weeks I have lost approximately 40 lbs. Damn. I haven’t been at this weight for years.

They are trying to figure out why i can’t keep anything down. The doctors have tested me for a lot of things. They can’t seem to figure it out. I’m so happy I’m losing weight. They have me on a liquid diet for 4 days from yesterday, so Saturday. No food or drink sounds or smells even remotely good.

They have put me back on meds. I’m currently on a mood stabilizer, anxiety, anti-nausea, sleeping med,  my PTSD/nightmare med, etc. 

I just typed this real quick. Sorry if it rambles or doesn’t make sense. Like I said, I haven’t slept much.

I’m going inpatient tonight… I fucked up the entire life that I had finally been happy with… What have I done? I guess it’s time to get back on my meds and figure shit out.